Oi chusoi Dios aei enpiptousi.

I love trance. And the hell is over.

Edit: This post is late since I drafted it and didn’t have time to really work on it since I got sick >;[

Why do I love trance music so much. DJ Tiesto’s Kaleidoscope is just fucking awesomeness.

On another note, one last final to go and it’s a final I don’t even need to study for. Well, I should…but don’t really need to. Just a few nagging things that I need to know like what the escape character in PHP is -_-;.

Tomorrow I’ll finally be free of school for the blessed three weeks of break. Still have to worry about my bills though. Seriously fuck my life. I just rack up bills because I’m a lazy person. I eat out so much >_>, but I’m terrible at cooking so it’s either I spend money or eat instant noodles + hot sauce everyday.

Work is good so far. I finally got to play with VMware the other day even though it was just doing something simple like setting up two VMs for my boss it’s still nice that I’m still learning stuff that I find enjoyable at work.

Goals for winter break:

• Get back into shape. Lots of gym time and muay thai. It’s going to hurt and I’ll hate it but the pain is so good.
• Watch the CCNA videos
• Develop for Android
• Hang out with friends
• Work and earn money

So this girl

named Megan Chen is a bitch.

THAT IS ALL.

A bit of my mind for 9/15/09

You know I’ve always never really had a “sense” for fashion like my younger brother or some of the other guys out there that I see in college. I don’t match colors, I don’t pick outfits, I don’t match my outfit with anything. I hate plaid or anything too flashy in design or color. Solid colors do me good. But then everyone caps on me for not having a sense of fashion. When the hell did fashion mean that I gotta dress up in some Hollister shit with some jeans with a raggity looking t-shirt and a stylish jacket? Or when did it become that wearing plaid = stylish? The fuck happened to just straight up looking good?

Yea I wear like maybe 3-4 colors, red, black, white, grey most of the time, but I don’t ever think I look “unfashionable.” The fuck do I wanna be, the fucking rainbow? Those colors that I wear go good with almost anything, never go out of style, and I don’t look like the next A&F model or sellout.

I will be honest though. Jordan stuff is just a different level of comfort for me. Maybe I’m spoiled or it’s all in my head but the stuff just feels good when you wear it. It’s got that thick and heavy feeling when you wear it that feels like, “damn, I am wearing one hell of a nicely made hoodie that’s gonna keep me warm.” You seriously feel like it’s worth the eighty five dollars I paid for my red/black Jordan hoodie today. When I used to wear Hollister hoodies that my ex-gf bought me, yea it felt pretty good, but no where did it feel like, yea this fourty-five to sixty dollar hoodie is totally worth it. And besides, who the fuck wants a ripped up/has holes in it hoodie? I paid for clothing, not some purposely ripped up and damaged clothing in the name of “fashion.” Dumbest idea ever sold to retarded teenieboppers and their parents.

Anyway, that’s my rant on fashion/clothing cuz I’m tired of people capping me about how I dress. Onto other topics! It’s amazing how watching something burn can make you feel. I recently burned a buncha pictures/letters/notes from people I cared about alot that I no longer have any real ties to because of how I was or how they were. I used to always look at those things and feel a sense of personal failure on some level, that I let them down with how I was even though it might not have been my fault. I’ve held this baggage for a good 6 years and now it’s time to finally let it all go and be free. I always tried to let it go and would try to burn it or get rid of it but always couldn’t. Now I finally just threw it all into the fire and I did try to grab it as it caught fire but I caught myself and just let it all go. Was strange to zone out in front of the fire for a good 30-45 minutes, just watching it all burn. But afterwards, I defintely felt much better then I ever have before. Now I can’t go back and see the evidence of my mistakes/burdens in the past. Now I’m finally free.

Oh and finally, I’m awesomely broke but it’s nice giving gifts to my family and watching them smile with excitement :) My brother has been wanting a Blackberry for so long but my parents wouldn’t pay for it. So I finally jumped on Verizon’s BOGO deal since I couldn’t help my friend out, figure I’d kill two birds with one stone by getting my dad a new upgraded blackberry from his old piece of shit one and to finally get my brother one as well to stop his constant nagging for me to convince my parents to let him get one. Broke, but satisfied. Oh and fuck you California for making me pay tax on the full retail price of the “free” phone. But that’s a completely different rant that I may one day put into words but for now, good night.

Looking back to my life…

Man, I don’t know where to start. I haven’t really blogged since the LJ/Xanga days. Damn has it really been that long since Xanga? I guess I’ll just start with how I’m feeling right now…

To be honest, I feel like shit these past few days. Seeing my family has definitely brought my heart back up. I don’t know if it’s just me but I’ve been feeling so aimless and just….shitty. What else can I say? Maybe it was the pressure and stress from Organic Chemistry (oh my god that class is hell on earth.) I just remember how low I felt a few weeks ago. I just felt so worthless and that there was no point in this world. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that med school is so far away and that I question my own conviction and how it’s faltering these days. I just miss those days when I didn’t worry about anything other then not getting into trouble with my parents. What the hell am I doing now these days? I don’t even know. I feel like I should keep at the IT business and keep on working my way up the corporate ladder to the top. Can I do it? All my life I aimed for medical school. It’s sort of strange and unnerving to suddenly change my mind and go for IT,  yet at the same time comforting because I’ve played with and used computers all my life. Part of me feels like I’m letting myself down by not going after medical school, a part of me is still fighting the good fight. But how can I fight when the maximum GPA I can ever achieve at this point is 3.3? How the hell do I compete with those that have 3.8s, 4.0s? I’ve never really given up on anything in life (this totally comes to bite me in the ass when it comes to relationships), and I don’t want to give up on this now. I feel like if I stop and give up a part of me inside will break and will never be able to repaired.

I remember when I was down and my parents were all up in my case about grades and shit in highschool how much I was down in the dirt. I remember those nights I would cry to sleep because I felt worthless in the eyes of my parents and peers. The cuts and pills that I took to keep away the pain I felt in my heart. The people I hurt and the disappointment I felt. I remember coming back from the hospital after being there for like 3 days and people shunned me like I was a disease or something. I remember seeing my family during visitor hours during my stay at the hospital. I remember breaking down and just crying my eyes out because I just didn’t know what I was doing anymore. The feeling of emptiness and judgment that I saw from everyone. The pitiful look from my teachers (except Ms. Waller, I love you, you are an awesome teacher) and classmates that I faced when I got back. I think at that point I just shut the world out. I resented everyone who turned their backs to me or gave me judgmental looks, and ironically I guess that closed me up to everyone completely. Do I regret it now? Sometimes I guess. But I still had friends who never let me down and kept being my friends despite all the shit that went down. That shit to this day keeps me going and from getting back into my old ways of escapism. The last week I’ve been feeling so down that I wanted to go back or go drinking my problems away but I stopped myself from doing so because I had a friend of mine text me asking when we were going to catch up and shit. That really lit up my day. But sadly, it also brought me down because we couldn’t hang out because our schedule conflicted. Whatever though, least it reminded me that there’s still such a thing as true friends.

Enough of my past. What am I doing recently? Man a ton of stuff I guess when I actually sit down and look at it.

• MMA
• Kendo
• Learning and prepping for MCSA and CCNA shit
• Making money
• Managing said money xD
• Tweaking out my computer
• Playing League of Legends
• Learning to cook
• Making new friends and trying to hang out with what little friends I have left
• Getting back into shape after finals week (man I hit the gym today and I seriously felt like throwing up afterwards)
• Taking care of my lil ‘sis’ and her upcoming entrance into college
• Keeping a social life outside of school and work

Ton of stuff, but it keeps me sane. Sometimes being an adult sucks =/. Wish I could go back to being a stupid little kid that just wanted to go outside and play in the sandbox. :[

Yay custom domain works now!

Yay for my custom domain working! Woot!

Not bad….

Not a bad blogging website. Might switch to this instead of Wordpress…..